ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
