I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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