This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
