please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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