I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize