Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You can't just leave with hair like that
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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