He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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