You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
