I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
