She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
