i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
