are you so shy because you have an std?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize