Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
