i need an iv and a liver transplant
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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