Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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