Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Come see our sink grown plant.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
