The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
