so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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