I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
