Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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