he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
