I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
