Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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