can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
