My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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