Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
