it wasn't lemon gatorade
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
