what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
