I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
