How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize