You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
