i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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