the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
