she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
