Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
