alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
