Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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