i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
