I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
