i think my tv is drunk
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
