Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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