I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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