if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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