please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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