Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's always time for handjobs
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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