im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
