ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
