Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
