just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
