Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
